


Brothers under the sun

by DestinationDarkness



Series: Snapshots of our lives [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Light eating disorder, M/M, Possibly Triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-05
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-22 12:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/913249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinationDarkness/pseuds/DestinationDarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is slowly loosing himself. Tommy is worried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brothers under the sun

**Author's Note:**

> More self-medicating stuff, yay! /o\ I hope you like it though, it is personal to me :)
> 
> BETA:ed by my lovely @EatMyUnicornOut

He had lost weight.   
That was the first thing Tommy noticed. In the time he’d known Adam, he’d always been strong and broad and beautiful, just like he was supposed to. He wasn’t supposed to have ribs almost showing and a jaw that was too sharp for his face. Adam was supposed to be soft. He wasn’t in any means too soft, but he wasn’t supposed to be too skinny either. And although no one else seemed to notice that Adam got more and more slim, Tommy did and it worried him. A lot.

Seeing Adam casually get out of lunch for the third day in a row, claiming that he had to get ready for an interview, made him even more worried. They were all on a busy schedule, Adam’s being worst by far, being the star after all. They had a week off coming up in the end of the month, and they were all looking forward to it. Two months of touring with almost no breaks had started to take its toll on everyone, not only Adam. However, while the others got a bit cranky and begged off late nights more often, they still had a shine and glow about them that still said that they were present, living. Adam’s sparkling and lively blue eyes had steadily gotten grayer, the longer they toured. That simply wasn’t right. 

 

Last night of the second leg of the tour, and there were no excuses, they would all go partying like there was no tomorrow. Even Tommy was excited, and he hated parties. This meant a break, for most of them a vacation, and a chance to get their heads cleared before the European leg. An hour into the night though, everyone felt the pressure in the air. What was meant to be a happy celebration was turning into hushed conversations in each others ears, just loud enough to be heard over the beat. Tommy swallowed slightly and untangled himself from Sutan’s arms, just giving him one short look to explain why, and luckily Sutan didn’t push it. He then got up and laid a hand on Adam’s shoulder. He’d been sitting across from him and was completely quiet, which wasn’t him at all. Adam was usually the one getting heard, seen and noticed, everywhere.

“You look a bit pale,” Tommy mumbled into the singer’s ear, earning him a look that was a mix between panic and exhaustion.   
“I’m not feeling too well, I think. Must have uhm… eaten something bad or something,” he mumbled back, barely audible enough for Tommy to catch his words. He didn’t say anything further, and neither did Adam as he was dragged up on his feet, not even getting to say goodbye to the others as Tommy was moving him through the crowd, towards the doors. They got to about 10 meters from Adam’s hotel door, when Tommy suddenly had to stop in his tracks and hold Adam, who was throwing up all over the carpet. 

“Oh fuck, oh that’s disgusting,” Adam whimpered, barely standing up, but just mildly protesting as Tommy dragged into his room instead of stopping to clean up.   
This time Adam actually made it to the bathroom.

Tommy sat with him, stroking his hair and hushing calming words until Adam stopped heaving and just leaned his head on Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy continued to run his hand through Adam’s hair and just holding him, until he could feel Adam, fucking finally, giving up and cracking. He managed to snatch a towel while half carrying, half dragging Adam to the bed and getting him to lie down. Somehow he managed to strip them both down to shirts and underwear, before dragging Adam up into his lap and holding him there. 

They stayed like that for what must have been hours. Tommy in some sort of half sitting position, with Adam pretty much lying in his lap with his head on Tommy’s chest, crying. It was not the most comfortable position, but it didn’t matter. It was warm, safe, and that was what was important. 

“It’s going to be okay, Adam,” Tommy whispered when he finally started to calm down a bit, sniffling into Tommy’s shirt.   
“I’m never enough.” 

Adam’s voice was ruined from both puking and crying, and Tommy almost didn’t hear what he had said. It broke something inside him, and he sighed and held Adam closer to his chest, one hand slowly caressing his cheek and hair. 

“You haven’t been eating.”  
“They told me I was fat. That I was disgusting, that nobody would want me like that, that everyone else was skinnier and prettier than me,” Adam whispered, eyes closed and breathing heavily into Tommy’s shirt.   
“You know that isn’t true,” Tommy answered quietly, kissing Adam’s temple slowly and earning a sad little sigh.  
“They’re right though. I look hideous and no one wants me. Not the real me. Everyone wants Adam Lambert, big star and outgoing performer. They want some sort of miracle representative for the LGBT community. They want more music, more interviews that are all the same, more performances. I can’t do that, Tommy. I can’t. I’m just Adam.”

Adam almost broke Tommy’s heart with those words, and he could feel himself tear up as the lump in his throat got bigger.  
“You’re never going to be enough for everyone, Adam. They all want different things, at the same time. Please, don’t let yourself get killed by them. You’re amazing just as you are, no matter what they say. They don’t see the way you always make sure we’re okay, and brushing off our questions about how you are feeling. They don’t see the hours at morning were we all are totally dead in our beds, but you’re up doing interviews with the same shitty questions as always. They only see sales, money, dollar-signs. And never ever let anyone tell you that you’re fat or ugly, because you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”   
Tommy talked slowly, the whole time just petting Adam and holding him close to his chest.

“Sometimes I wish you were just a little bit bendy, so I could get to kiss you whenever I wanted to,” Adam whispered, sobbing softly into Tommy’s, by now wet, shirt. Tommy had to smile at that.  
“What’s between your legs doesn’t define you, Adam. You can kiss me whenever, I really don’t mind.”

Adam reached up, and with a hand in Tommy’s hair he gave him a little peck on the lips before letting himself crawl back up against Tommy and just get held, comforted.   
Things were really fucked up, but maybe they weren’t too bad at the end of the day.   
Everything was going to be okay.


End file.
